Six First Aid Steps for Bad Feedback: an IWSG Post

As part of the celebration for author Chrys Fey’s latest book release, we’re talking about writer’s block, depression, and the varied obstacles life will throw in your way as you try to publish. My contribution for the blog hop is about dealing with bad feedback. This could be editorial comments, a scathing one-star review, rejection letters, dismissive friends or family; anything which makes you feel like a big anvil made of “NO” just landed on your head.

I know about harsh feedback because I enter every unfinished manuscript I write into RWA chapter contests for judging because apparently I really enjoy pain haha wow—wait, sorry, actually I enter for the honest editorial critique (which I GOT, thanks a lot past me).

Anyway, what I’m saying is I know the sting. And I know what this occasion calls for. EMERGENCY FIRST AID. That’s right. Rush in the medics. Call a code blue. Without any shame, I will plant my wounded ass in the emergency room chair and refuse to leave until I get some treatment. When this kind of feedback lands on you, if I could, I would rush over with fluffy blankets and hot tea and a baby otter for cuddles. Since I can’t, here is a first aid guide and a big digital hug.

otter gif

1. Deep Breaths

First thing, breathe. I’m generally sucking in air because I’m going to let out a good long string of expletives, but you should take a breath because it’s actually therapeutic. Science says so. Deep breathing tells your brain to turn off the fight-or-flight threat response triggered by criticism.

2. Treat Yo Self

Exposing your work to criticism in the first place was a ballsy move. GO YOU. YOU ARE BRAVER THAN 90% OF THE OTHER ANXIOUS MONKEYS OUT THERE. So take a free afternoon and nap in your pillow fort. Finally buy that book on your wishlist. Drink a big mug of your favorite hot beverage. Wear that kickass comfy shirt. Go to your favorite park. In whatever way works for you, make sure to reward yourself for being so brave.

3. Raise Shields!

Yes. Just like Star Trek. Place your arms at a starship captain angle beside you, look all brooding, say ‘Activate shields! Make it so’, and then stroke your chin thoughtfully. You’ll feel about 67% better immediately, I promise. Then open up your Special Shield Folder. This could be physical or digital. Either way, this folder is stuffed full of good things related to your writing. Positive feedback, contest wins, emails from beta readers, anything and everything that reminds you how much others like your writing.

4. Run Away

They’re coming and they’ve got pitchforks, RUN! SAVE YOURSELF! ABORT MISSION, ABORT! No . . . that’s just me freaking out. Really what I mean is, go outside. Close out whatever you’re reading that has the negative feedback, leave it there (NOT TODAY, SATAN), and walk away. Go get some fresh air, remember to do that breathing thing, and clear your head a little. A touch of sunshine will make you feel a lot better about life, the universe, and everything.

5. Starve the Haters

Those nasty little demon trash pandas of Self Doubt will start chittering away when bad feedback comes. They get all validated by every harsh word, no matter how necessary the word might be. And they’ll try their very best to completely drown your confidence in an ocean of ugly whispers. Don’t let them. Go full viking on their asses. Talk to a close friend, re-open your Special Shield Folder, read encouraging articles, listen to ‘This is Me’ on repeat, reach out to other authors for help. What do demonic trash pandas know, anyway? NOTHING. That’s what.

6. Have Fun

This is definitely the time to fall back on your favorite form of comedy. One video that always makes me laugh until I cry is Tim Conway telling the elephant story on the Carol Burnett show. This is an outtake, because he destroys his cast mates, but Vicki Lawrence goes ahead and ANNIHILATES them, including Carol Burnett and Dick Van Dyke. (If you can get Dick Van Dyke to fall on the floor laughing you can die happy in the knowledge that you’re the funniest person in the universe.)

On a related but slightly different note, you can read How to Survive the Querying Process; Or, Being a Stubborn Ball of Rock

And remember, you’re awesome.

Insecure Writers Support Group Badge

Making this a total combo plate post, it’s also Insecure Writer’s Support Group day! The awesome co-hosts for the August 5 posting of the IWSG are Susan Baury Rouchard, Nancy Gideon, Jennifer Lane, Jennifer Hawes, Chemist Ken (Cheers!), and Chrys Fey! (Hi!)

The question for August 5th (which I did not answer in any way, shape, or form) is:

Quote: “Although I have written a short story collection, the form found me and not the other way around. Don’t write short stories, novels or poems. Just write your truth and your stories will mold into the shapes they need to be.”

Have you ever written a piece that became a form, or even a genre, you hadn’t planned on writing in? Or do you choose a form/genre in advance?

And Chrys’s shiny new book looks like this:

keep writing with fey

You can find it here on Amazon and guess what? It’s only 4.99$ for your Kindle edition.

 

 

 

24 thoughts on “Six First Aid Steps for Bad Feedback: an IWSG Post

    1. If I can’t work both a Star Trek TNG and a Monty Python reference into a post, I’m not trying hard enough! The best is when I can fit a Princess Bride or Buffy callback in as well, although sadly it didn’t happen for this post.

  1. Love this post! Not so positive feedback happens to everyone and this gives a lot of good resources for dealing with it. I especially love #5. Those self-doubt thoughts come fast and furious so keeping them at bay does wonders. Some times it’s easier said than done, but you have to work through it.

    1. Definitely. I sometimes think the largest part of being a writer is learning how to work through the inevitable rejections.

    1. I hadn’t seen it before, but yes it seems incredibly appropriate for the year. None of us know what we’re doing in any capacity, LOL

    1. I see no problem with this plan, but I am much in favor of emergency otters. Pretty sure my husband would also frown on a romp of otters showing up in our bathtub. Sigh.

      1. Don’t you keep emergency otters behind glass? Something with a little hammer that says “In Case of Emergency, Break Glass?” I could put up emergency otter boxes all over the house, so they’re always close at hand.

  2. All wonderful tips. I am a firm believer in rewarding ourselves. I’ve talked about on my blog and in my book. When we do something, big or small – reward! When we step out of our comfort zones – reward! I even suggest rewards when we do get a rejection, because we did something big. I like to take long, hot baths and eat chocolate as my rewards. 🙂

    Thank you so much for participating in my blog hop and for providing they lovely tips.

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